Tuesday, June 2, 2009

My Life in the Movies--Camelot

With little fanfare but much wringing of hands, a bit of Camelot shone down on my part of the Frozen North recently.

It was the "Lusty Month of May." I didn't have to "Wonder What the King was Doing Tonight," I knew. He was kicking himself for getting a PhD in Philosophy instead of learning the trade of plumbing.

The kitchen sink had developed a COUS (clog of unusual size, but that's a different film.) My attempts at repair had at least ruled out a minor stoppage in the trap underneath. The problem was obviously somewhere in the bowels of the basement, a place those faint of heart did not dare to go.

Do you have any idea how catastrophic 48 hours without an operable kitchen sink can be? Needless to say, when Sir Wrenchelot of Plumb arrived on his shiny white steed,

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I was overcome with more than "The Simple Joys of Maidenhood." "Follow Me" I called over my shoulder as I led him to the field of battle.

After dealing with the dragon in the bowels of the basement and chasing away the COUS (clog of unusual size), Sir Wrenchelot returned everything under the sink to its former glory. All was now shiny. (name that canceled Joss Whedon scifi epic) Literally.

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In gratitude, I felt my heart being drawn away from my king, though only for a moment. I wracked my brain for a suitable second quest and came up with this.

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Ladies (and gentleman, if there be any reading this), just trust me. If your pipe looks like this, it needs replacing. The true test is if you turn on the water and it gushes forth from the side of the pipe instead of through the faucet thingie at the pipe's end.

Once again, Sir Wrenchelot sprang to my rescue, artfully wielding wrenches with the grace of fencing foils and wearing plaid.

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I was convinced he knew "How to Handle a Woman," or at least her plumbing problems. A thought came to mind, "What Do the Simple Folk Do?", but was brushed aside as the knight handed me his bill. Evidently, the upkeep on shining white steeds is a bit pricey these days.

As he rode off into the west, uh, actually east, I waved my hanky in his direction and turned my attention to washing 48 hours of dishes piled in one side of the sink. The work went quickly as I sang wistfully, "Don't let it be forgot that once there was a spot for one brief shining moment that was known as Camelot."