Wednesday, August 12, 2009

The Secret Life of a Canary

I came across a piece of disturbing news while on vacation in that place I promised I would not write about again for awhile. (hint--it's hot down there, and no, I am not referring to the final resting place of people who refuse to turn off their cell phones in movie theatres.)

Because of the urgency of the information, I feel it my civic duty to report it. And notice how I have avoided mentioning the T word (Texas. Ooops!)

That important breaking news story is this--Canaries have secret lives. (dundunduh!)

In a small community near a major metropolitan area, the police busted a nasty ring of Canary fighters. Yes, you read that right, Canary fighters. I managed to interview one of the offending birds, who has entered the witness protection program and shall remain anonymous.


Me. Whatever caused you to enter this sordid occupation?
Bird. Speak to the tail.


Me. There has been a lot of speculation that these fights were fixed. What is your response to these allegations?
Bird. You'll have to talk to my lawyer.


Me. Are you afraid of retribution from the fight promoters? There are some reports that organized crime is involved.
Bird. No comment.

Well, there you have it. He refused to sing. I think he was afraid of being labelled a stool pigeon. Birds of a feather flock together, and no self respecting Canary wants to be confused with a pigeon.

Who knows why the caged bird won't sing?