Wednesday, August 12, 2009

The Secret Life of a Canary

I came across a piece of disturbing news while on vacation in that place I promised I would not write about again for awhile. (hint--it's hot down there, and no, I am not referring to the final resting place of people who refuse to turn off their cell phones in movie theatres.)

Because of the urgency of the information, I feel it my civic duty to report it. And notice how I have avoided mentioning the T word (Texas. Ooops!)

That important breaking news story is this--Canaries have secret lives. (dundunduh!)

In a small community near a major metropolitan area, the police busted a nasty ring of Canary fighters. Yes, you read that right, Canary fighters. I managed to interview one of the offending birds, who has entered the witness protection program and shall remain anonymous.

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Me. Whatever caused you to enter this sordid occupation?
Bird. Speak to the tail.

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Me. There has been a lot of speculation that these fights were fixed. What is your response to these allegations?
Bird. You'll have to talk to my lawyer.

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Me. Are you afraid of retribution from the fight promoters? There are some reports that organized crime is involved.
Bird. No comment.

Well, there you have it. He refused to sing. I think he was afraid of being labelled a stool pigeon. Birds of a feather flock together, and no self respecting Canary wants to be confused with a pigeon.

Who knows why the caged bird won't sing?